i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
be right there i have to get my cape
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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