I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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