Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
