He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
why do cheetos always look like penises
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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