you have to choose: penises or morals?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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