When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
