My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
