So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
