I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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