I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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