I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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