I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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