hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
