Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
