What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Alive.
So much puke
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
