No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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