At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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