I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
i am craving dick and cupcakes
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
