i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
