omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
