Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
