And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
