she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Randomize
