Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
