She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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