the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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