And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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