im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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