Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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