Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
