chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
