the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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