and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
