the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Barsexuality is the new black.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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