so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
