We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
