if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I am one with the molecules
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
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