I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
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