So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
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Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
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Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I smell like Dick and happiness
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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