and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
