Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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