do herpes really smell.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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