I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
