You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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