The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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