I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
