I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize