is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
