I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
