Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
