you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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