I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
