Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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