tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
