No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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