id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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