theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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